Bending Time
by midlagedfangirl
Summary: This is my first effort so everyone please bear with me!  It's been fun so far…. I found I had to find a 'nom de plume' as well as a name for a character and I was able to use one for both!  Can we say 'lazy? LOL!   Hope its not too lame!


**Chapter One**

With a pop, a middle-aged woman appeared right outside the gates of H. She was striking if not beautiful especially for her age. She was dressed in immaculate robes a dark shade of pink, fitting appropriately with the lovely spring day. Not a hair out of place her makeup and grooming perfect, showing someone who usually took care in their appearance. She had an almost apprehensive look on her face, as if she was getting ready to face a big challenge. She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and marched resolutely through the gates toward the castle.

Everything was almost exactly as she remembered it. It didn't look like it had been as long as it had been since she was last here. She stopped at the entry steps and stared up at the castle, memories flooding in on her. Her reverie was broken however as a huge shadow fell over her, blocking out the spring sunshine.

"Can I help you?" a deep, large voice said.

"Hagrid! Oh my God, it's really you! You're still here, how absolutely wonderful!" she exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, but I do I know you? You're face ain't ringin' any bells wi' me, and I certainly thing it oughter!" Hagrid said, before thinking.

"Oh Hagrid. You do know me. 1977? Study Abroad student from the U.S.? I was placed in Gryffindor, and was friends with Lily Evans, James Potter and his crew….and Severus Snape" she added softly, almost as an afterthought.

"Well, Bless Me, it's Caryn! Caryn Rollins? Is it really you? Why, I haven't seen you in nigh unto 30 years!" he exclaimed happily, engulfing her in one of his huge hugs.

"I haven't been back in England for around that time, Hagrid. Not since Lily and James' son Harry's christening. I'm his Godmother, you know. Oh, and I was back for a couple of weeks just before Halloween the next year…"

"Aye, I know…. It's been a long time…" Hagrid said quietly.

"So my old friend how IS everyone? Either all my owls have gone astray over the years or no one is speaking to me anymore! I know Lily was a bit cross with me when I left, but it wasn't like we were fighting! I never heard from her again….no answers…. About 10 years ago I tried to get in touch with Sirius and Remus….no answers for them either. So, I finally decided to make the time and make the trip and find out for myself what big sin I committed to make everyone cut me off! I mean really, I may be an American, but I do have manners!" she said, half serious, half playful, hoping Hagrid would see how hurt and concerned she was without making a big deal out of it.

"Oh, Caryn….how can ye possibly think that…..ye don't know, do ye?" he stammered.

"Don't know WHAT Hagrid? Obviously there is much in this life I am unaware of….please, enlighten me!" She tried to say it lighthearted, but it sounded false to her own ears.

"Come in with me, we're gonna go and see Minerva….then we'll talk. You remember Minerva McGonagal, don't you? Hagrid said, taking her arm and walking so quickly up the steps that she was running to keep up.

"Of course I do! She taught transfiguration while I was here! In fact, she was one of my big inspirations in my life. I always wanted to be able to transfigure as effortlessly as it seemed she did!" she said breathlessly.

Hagrid looked down at her with a sad smile on his face as they quickly walked down the hall. Neither one said anything until they stood out in front of the stone gargoyle that lead to the headmasters office.

"Catnip Tea" Hagrid said gruffly. The gargoyle slid aside and they entered the stairway and were carried up to the office.

"So she's headmistress now? How wonderful! I'm surprised Dumbledore retired, but then, it's not like he didn't earned some rest.

"

"That he did….that he did!" said Hagrid sadly.

Caryn looked up at Hagrid uncomfortably. "Please tell me what on earth is going on! You're sounding like you're trying to find a kind way to tell me everyone's dead or something!"

Hagrid paled when she spoke and raised his voice "Minerva! You're not gonna believe who I just found outside!"

Minverva McGonogal walked into the room from the "working" part of the office. "How can I help you, Hagrid…." She trailed off. "Caryn Rollins! Is it really you? As I live and breathe! I see your name in the journals and on books in bookstores; we are even using the transfiguration texts you've written! I thought I would never see you again, except in print! How ARE you my dear? Obviously you've done very well for yourself professionally!"

"I'm doing fine Professor….."

"Minerva, please. I'm sure I could learn from you now with all you've done!"

"Minerva….and don't sell yourself short. I've been very blessed and lucky. What I've accomplished, I've been in the right place at the right time, that's all! You're too kind! But enough about me! I've been telling Hagrid that I haven't heard from Lily since I was here last. All my owls over the years have either gone astray, or else I have committed a huge sin and everyone has written me off. So I finally decided to come and find out what it was!"

Minerva looked up at Hagrid. She took a deep breath and faced Caryn, kindness and sadness in her eyes. "You've committed no sin, my dear. Surely you knew that. You and Lily seemed very close."

"Lily and I WERE close…..ARE close! We wrote at least once a month, if not once a week sometimes. When I stopped hearing from her, I really assumed that she was more than cross with me when I left. I…I had been pressing her a bit on a subject that she really wanted no part of, but you know me, when I get something in my head, I don't let it go….." she said. "The longer I didn't hear, the more stubborn and hurt I became. Silly, I know…. Then I decided to try to get in touch with Sirius and Remus…I never heard back from them either. Then I really got my nose out of joint! So….. Then last week I found all our pictures! Pictures from school, pictures with Harry…..all of us. Even one of Severus and me…." She trailed off softly on the last sentence. "I decided that I needed to grow up. My maturity finally needed to keep up with my chronological age. So I decided that I could afford to take an extended time off work and come over and see my friends and see if I couldn't make amends. See if I couldn't heal my soul… I couldn't find anyone, so I decided to come here and see if someone could help me! I'm feeling really disturbed now though….Hagrid made it sound as if they are all DEAD….everyone….. Minerva?" she said shakily, tears welling up in her beautiful dark green eyes.

"DEBERT!" Minerva said loudly.

"Yes, Mistress?" said the young house elf that had appeared in front of her.

"Debert, Miss Rollins is here visiting us. Please bring us some a tea tray….with a little something, ah, STRONGER, to go with the tea? Thank you!"

"Of course Mistress! Have a wonderful visit at H Miss!" said Debert, bowing lowly and disappearing, reappearing almost immediately with the tray.

After they were all settled with a cup of tea, Caryn turned her eyes back to Minerva and Hagrid. The hand holding the teacup was shaking slightly. "Please, tell me what you're not telling me!" tears escaping her eyes and running down her cheeks.

"Caryn, I'm sorry to tell you this…" said Minerva, and proceeded to tell her the story of the Second Wizarding War and how her friends had died. She set her tea down and sobbed softly into her hands.

"I knew there was something wrong….I was just too much of a coward, or too selfish to find out! I assumed when I read The Dark Lord was finally dead that all would be well. There wasn't a great deal of information available in the U.S. about it…..or perhaps more accurately I just didn't want to hear about him. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. All this time, poor Harry….all alone! With Petunia and that dreadful Vernon! She was always so jealous of poor Lily. She and Vernon refused to come to Lily's wedding….Harry's christening…..much less his first birthday! Did she even come to her own sister's funeral? No, don't answer that! I have a feeling I know the answer, and if it's what I think it is, I will track them down…..and it's useless…. It won't bring Lily back…..or anyone else…or fix all those years for Harry…. Why oh why didn't Sirius tell me? At least when he got out of Azkaban? Or why didn't Remus?" she started sobbing hard again.

"Caryn, after Sirius got out of Azkaban he was never really the same. He wa' getting' better day to day, but not all better yet when Bellatrix killed him! Molly Weasley got her in the Battle of H, my dear, so don' go getting' anythin' in your head!" said Hagrid. "Remus probaly' didn' 'cause he knew Dumbledore had put some powerful magic protecting Harry at the Muggles house since they was family. In name anyway…. He knew he was safe, if not happy…..and I knew Remus…and Remus knew you… I'll bet Remus figured that if you got wind o' what had happened, you woulda been over here right in the thick o' everythin'….and you would, you know it!"

"Hagrid, how do you know that Remus didn't just say the 'hell with her?' since I hadn't bothered to be in touch. Somehow just saying 'I didn't know' is so lame! I hate myself!" she sobbed.

"I know that's what Remus was thinkin' 'cause he and I talked about it! He didn' wanna say anything until Harry came o' age 'cause of Dumbledore's protection. But Dumbledore was gone then and the protection expired on Harry's birthday…..and he and Tonks had little Teddy…..we just decided, Caryn, that we didn't wanna put you in danger, and that's the truth…. Then, after it was all over, and I never heard from ya, well, I figured that you knew what all had happened and you dinna want anythin' to do with us anymore for shutting you out." Hagrid had tears rolling down his face by then. "There was so much death, and so much sadness….I figured you had had enough like the rest o' us! But if I had known what you was thinkin', that you didn't even KNOW, I swear to ya I woulda told ya! I swear!" Hagrid too was sobbing by this time into his huge polka dotted handkerchief.

Minerva said quietly "What Hagrid just said sums it up for all of us Caryn. You were not forgotten. I think there were plenty of assumptions on all of our parts. All of them incorrect! No one meant any harm. There, there dear. I'm so very sorry! We all loved them and miss them! But for us we've had time to grieve and focus on all the good memories. We've had years since this all happened. For you, it's like it just happened. Here, have some firewhiskey in your tea! No arguments! It will help, trust me!"

Caryn's sobbing slowly subsided as she drank her tea. "How's dear Harry? Is he doing well? Such a burden he had from such a young age, and such a hero he is. Do you think he'd like to find out he has a Godmother? Or would I be better off leaving well enough alone?"

"If I know Harry Potter my dear, he'll be thrilled to hear about you and meet you! He'll understand the situation. Harry was mature about things like this from a very early age. He's also very settled and happy. He married his high school sweetheart just like his parents…. Ginny Weasley, his best friend's sister….. They have children and are very happy! I'll contact him now, shall I? I think I should be able to find him without very much trouble! No arguments now! It's time you have something happy on this trip!" Minerva said as she got up and stood next to the fireplace.

"Minerva is right', Caryn! I know how happy he'll be! He'll love ya! Just like we all do….and just like those who rest in peace did…" he added.

Caryn smiled a tearful smile. They were two dear people. She had missed them so. And trust Hagrid to speak the truth in his kind but blunt way. How long would it take her to forgive herself for waiting so damn long? "I still don't understand why Severus didn't tell me….. It's not like he was friends with James or Sirius or Remus….but he loved Lily! Why didn't HE answer when I asked?" she quieried, tears again rolling down her cheeks.

"When did you write him darlin?" Hagrid asked.

"About five years ago or so…after all my letters to Sirius and Remus came back like Lily's did."

"Caryn, Severus surprised us all….he was a brave gallant hero….he died trying to protect us all, working as a double agent for Dumbledore, even after Albus died! He left the The Dark Lord because of his love for Lily…, he was our spy! We never knew until he was gone and he gave his memories to Harry as he was dying what he had done. You'll have to ask Harry about the particulars." Said Minerva kindly.

Caryn stood up as she heard this, her empty teacup smashing as it hit the ground. Hagrid and Minerva couldn't believe how much paler she turned, she was so pale already. She started swaying on her feet, and Hagrid caught her as she started to follow her teacup. He lay her gently down on the couch, and started waving his handkerchief at her.

"Minerva, what do we do? Shall I go get Poppy? What happened to her? She was upset, I know, but she seemed to be holdin' up pretty well under the circumstances. And talking about seeing Harry and him bein' glad to see her seemed to perk her up a good bit! Next thing I know, we're talkin' about Severus, and she's out!"

Minerva looked at her closely, obviously thinking hard. "My guess is that she thought more of Severus than we thought she did, or in a way we didn't think she did….on top of hearing about all the others, it was just too much. She should be fine in a few moments, Hagrid. Let me get some brandy…. Once we're sure she's OK, I'll contact Harry!

"

Hagrid held her hand, patting the back of it and speaking softly to her, telling her everything would be fine. Minerva poured a little brandy in a glass, and poured a small amount between her lips. She gagged a bit and choked slightly, and came around, trying to sit up. "Lord, Minerva, stop! Between that and the Firewhiskey, I won't be able to walk soon! I don't know what came over me! I don't know why I did that. I'm fine, really!" she said, coloring rushing back in her face.

"Don't be silly dear! Think nothing of it! This has all been a huge shock for you! I'm surprised you didn't swoon before now. Just lay still for a moment while I call Harry! If you don't want anymore brandy, you'll lay there like I said, young woman!" Minerva said mock severely. "You don't want to meet you Godson after all these years, smelling like pub!" Then, very gently she said "Dear, let yourself come to grips with it. Honestly. Losing people you care about is always hard. You have had some severe shocks, and have intense feeling surrounding all of this on top of losing them. We can't change the past my dear….we can only work on the present."

Minerva's words echoed in her mind "'We can't change the past!'" Caryn's mind was racing. "Why can't we?" she said to herself…. She closed her eyes and let her grief engulf her, while she could hear, in the background, Minerva and Hagrid speaking to someone in front of the fireplace.


End file.
